MAHM at the UN: Challenging the Narrative
(This news article from Mothers At Home Matter’s Anne Fennell first appeared in our members’ biannual magazine. Join us today so that you never miss an issue.)
I’ve just returned from a trip to New York for the UN 68th Commission on the Status of Women. It was my first trip to the UN as President of the European Federation of Parents and Carers at Home whilst also representing MAHM.
When I received the list of side meetings and parallel events, my heart sank, and I wrote to my Swedish counterpart, Madeleine Wallin: Do we really need to go to this? Is it worth it? How can we be effective? The meetings were all about 'closing the gender pay gap’... strengthening institutions with a gender perspective, getting women into digital spheres...etc:
She replied: 'Yes, I agree that it seems like no side event brings up our issues and that is the way it is. The reason to take part in big conferences like these is to make a difference, but also to witness what is being said. We don't work with issues that most women in these places consider valuable or important. That is why we need to be there. Listen to what they say and what they don't mention. Ask questions, be present, talk with people, keep building our networks and have personal meetings.'
Madeleine Wallin (L) and Anne Fennell (R) at the UN HQ
This put me straight! And that is exactly what we did. We listened, we questioned, we spoke of 'motherhood; the importance of being a mother, of care, of the needs of children, and we made connections.
The first day we listened to the opening remarks from different countries which was followed by a meeting by the Nordic Council of Ministers. This really got our spirits racing. It was like listening to a monologue. There was such a restriction of thought which spoke about the rights of women: rights to full-time work; rights to do less in the home. But it didn't touch on motherhood or children. Parental leave had to be 50/50, the aim was also to strengthen daycare. The 'biggest bang for your buck is investing in the Early Years' and daycare is good for children. The Swedish minister spoke about the increasing sickness among mothers - this was to do with the fact that mothers do most of the work at home as well as working. This needed to be changed by men partaking more at home.
Young boys were becoming increasingly right-wing whilst young girls were more progressive but somehow the answer to this was about enlightening men to be more caring in the home. Iceland said that parental leave was 50/50 - but a few weeks' choice was allowed and the women took it - this was because men get paid more.
I had my hand up to ask a question. It did not get asked but the gentleman next to me asked what it was. I said, 'What about the right of women to be mothers - to take care of their babies?' He was with the political delegation from Denmark. I have never seen anyone look so surprised: 'But what about the gender pay gap?'
'When you have a baby sometimes your values change and other things become more important. It would have been so painful for me to leave my baby to someone else to care,' I replied.
I then went to speak to the Danish Minister for Equality and asked her the same question. She got immediately angry, 'What about fathers?'
'They are wonderful and it is good to see more participation but many mothers would like longer with their babies.'
'Mothers want to work- they work part-time but want to work full-time.'
'It is good that this desire is supported but many want to spend more time with their children.'
The Minister was getting more and more angry. She accused me of dragging women back 100 years and could not speak to me any longer because we could not agree.
I then spoke to the Iceland Minister for Social Affairs and Labour Market. He spoke about strengthening daycare and I asked him what evidence he had that it was good for children. He said that it wasn't about what was good but that it wasn't bad for children. I asked him about raised cortisol and stress levels in young children spending long hours in daycare. He did not know and left quite quickly. The following day we had a meeting at the Hungarian embassy.
Hungary is the co-ordinator of the EU delegation to the UN at the Economic and Social Council. We were freely able to discuss our views and our desire to see more choice so mothers can choose to care as well as choose to work. Different policies were discussed including support for housing and a home care allowance which is what Hungary offers alongside daycare places. We then had a wider meeting with other countries and organisations where different ideas were shared.
We were invited to speak at an African event and touched on the causes of 'sickness'. The Pink Africa group were looking at solving the growing cancer problems. We touched on 'mental ill health' and the cause of dis-ease. Not being at ease with oneself- when your heart, mind and action are not aligned. We spoke of the importance of mother.
The word itself - its meaning - which is currently being replaced by 'parent'. And the power of women and mothers to heal, to nurture, to care and to love which ultimately makes a huge difference.
We hope we made a difference by questioning, making connections and by speaking the word 'mother' and valuing it.
Anne Fennell
Chair, Mothers At Home Matter
President, FEFAF
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MAHM campaigns for:
Childcare subsidy to follow the child with parents allowed to chose whether they use it to stay at home, give it to grandparents, childminder or external setting.
Taxation should fall fairly on those who stay at home and those who work.
Public examination on short and long term needs of children (and the effect on infants of long hours in external settings).
Recognition of value of unpaid care (estimated at £77 billion by Carers UK).