Back to School
Judith Suckling left her career in television production when she had her first child. Now her two children are back at school, she writes about what she now does to fill her time in-between school runs.
The bell goes, they rush in, and your work is complete. You have spent the last few weeks (possibly months) getting the right shoes, tights, jumpers. Labouring over name tags and book bags. But once you get home, make that warm cup of tea you’ve craved for the last 6 years, what next? People start to ask; What are you going to do with all your free time? And you might wonder that too.
I decided to leave my career in television production when I had my first child. The long hours and travel didn’t seem to fit with my idea of motherhood. My priorities changed from work life to home life pretty quickly. My husband works in the industry too, and with no family around us, it seemed impossible for us both to be working that hard. Friends told me of these wonder nurseries that were open from 7am – 7pm. That’s the whole time that your child is awake! I wanted to shout.
So that first school run happens. You get home to an empty house, and what do you do? There are always jobs – cooking, cleaning, mending, shopping. But that’s not really why I stayed at home. I left my career to watch my children grow. That same isolation that was felt in new motherhood starts to creep in. The day to day support of playgroups has been taken away. Your little adventure buddy is no longer by your side. Is it still ok to walk around a museum, mid-week, without a child in tow?
The obvious answer to this solitude would be to go back to work. I have been out of work for 6 years now. The thought of someone else being in charge of my time feels wrong somehow. I have 2 little people to care for. What could I go back and do, anyway? My children are at school for 6 hours a day. They have school holidays every 6 weeks. I want them to be at home whenever they can. We need to slow down and take time to listen to our children’s thoughts and feelings. We only get the chance to raise them once. When they have grown and gone, that’s it. You can’t go back and do it all over again.
I had a quick google to see if there was any support for mothers in my position. The only group that I could find for mothers of older children are the new local groups that MAHM have started to run. It seems the mental health support for school-age children is all aimed at the child rather than the parent. Recognition for PND is finally being talked about. The empty nest syndrome for university students has been in people’s vocabulary for years. But what support is there for this significant change? The mothers who have lost their purpose when their child first goes to school?
The way I have coped, so far, is to try and keep my mind healthy. Find some joy in those day to day tasks. I like to set myself challenges. Something like a 30-day yoga challenge on Youtube or the couch to 5K app by the NHS is fantastic. I listen to interesting podcasts or audiobooks while I’m cooking or cleaning. I get outside for a walk. I reach out to people who are in a similar position to me. What I 100% don’t do, and what I’m sure all my single working friends think I do, is sit and watch daytime television or engage with social media. I don’t want to waste the precious time that I have for myself. Personally, I need to be active, be motivated, and be strong. Do all of the things that I used to dream about when I was chained to a desk. And don’t worry, it’ll be half term soon!
Judith Suckling